Gratitude

On this Black Friday (who on earth makes up the names for these annual markers?), the day after Thanksgiving 2013, I should like to offer gratitude:

To my family -- my wonderful son and daughter who are supporting me as I travel this road of cancer and recovery. To cousins and brothers and sisters (in-law) and nieces who call to check on me or send messages of love and support. Then there are the out-laws…. the wonderful Edmonds family -- my most incredible son-in-law Chip, Walt & Peggy (whose love is unconditional and so often expressed). Thank you for being my family.

To friends, neighbors, piano families, church friends who are always inquiring, sending cards, flowers, emails. Your love and concern are so very much appreciated. Words have power. Thoughts have healing energy.

I received a unique gift from my ole college roomie Carol: a "cairn"of tiny stones that stack one upon the other. She uses such stones, neatly stacked, as a reminder to keep things in balance. If the stones fall over, you just rebuild them. She thought that such a ritual was very Druid-like and would provide a good complement to the mistletoe. Brilliant.

And I would like to share some very wise words from my friend Bill J.
I find them to be true and comforting:
        Cancer is so limiting….
        It cannot cripple Love
        It cannot shatter Hope
        It cannot corrode Faith
        It cannot destroy Peace
        It cannot shatter Confidence
        It cannot kill Friendship
        It cannot suppress Memories
        It cannot silence Courage
        It cannot invade the Soul
        It cannot steal eternal Life
        It cannot conquer the Spirit

There is even an upside to this cancer thing. Since settling into the mistletoe therapy and adding all of the lifestyle changes mandated by Dr. Grundmann (eating gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, lots of raw veggies and fruits, add-on enzymes and herbs), my energy level is super high, my immune system is pumped! I am losing weight (in a good way!) and sleeping soundly (thank you, melatonin). Ironically, I feel better now than before my diagnosis.

And so…. this Thanksgiving, I am finding much to be thankful for. I hope you are, too.

Comfort IN, Dump OUT

The purpose of my blog is to let those who care about me know about my situation and to be informed of how I am faring in my treatment. Comments on my blog are certainly welcomed. But I do not wish to debate anyone about the "road I am traveling." It is my road, no one else's. I do not need to defend what I am doing. And I don't intend to.

Below is a very interesting article a dear friend of mine recently sent me. I think we can all learn a lot from it.

How not to say the wrong thing

At the moment, I am the one in the center of the circle. It's not a pleasant place to be. I am allowed to dump. Thanks to my friend, Cindi, for always giving comfort and the best of advice. She is my "shoulder" to cry on (that's sort of an inside joke!)

Daughters are Gifts from Heaven

I just have to toot a very loud horn for my amazing daughter, Erin.

She "gets" me.

When I am ranting, she just lets  me rant. She doesn't always agree with me, but she lets me be who I am and just allows it. In all of this cancer madness, there is a bit of role reversal taking place. I have become the needy child and she has become the ever-so-patient and tolerant parent. When she calls and I pick up the phone, she can tell just from the sound of my "hello" if I am in a bad place or a good place. And if I am in a bad place, that doesn't last long. Her words become my balm.

Even though she has a very busy life of her own as wife of an amazing guy (Ah, Chip! He could take up another blog post all by himself) and the mother of two gorgeous and very active little boys, she takes the time to just "be" with me, to just listen to me. And she is a great devil's advocate -- not afraid to pull me away from being overly critical or irrational in my thinking. She has pulled me off of a few emotional crisis ledges more than once, that's for sure.

Twice in the past two months, she has traveled down from her home in PA to be at my side for doc visits. It's so helpful to have an extra set of ears to hear what is said. Everyone needs an advocate in a journey of illness. She is more than an advocate -- she is my rock.

Thank you, Erin, for being that rock. And thank you, Chip, for helping keep the home fires burning so she can come down and be at my side. What a lucky Mommy am I.

G is for Grundmann

That's the name of my mistletoe doc in Baltimore. It is also the letter for the dose of mistletoe that finally created the expected red skin reaction at the injection site. Very ANNOYING skin reaction, I might add. Plenty itchy.... and somewhat swollen. And it turns out a full G dose is way too much, so I am now experimenting with a quarter of a dose.... then saving the rest in the needle in the fridge for subsequent quarter doses. Hope Nick doesn't feed them to the cat. 

On November 7, I trekked up to Baltimore to visit Dr. Grundmann. Now that we know that my tumor is estrogen-fed and that the oncologist wants to treat with an estrogen-blocker, it is time to get Dr. G's take on the situation. She knows that I only want to throw one-ball-at-a-time (mistletoe) at the tumor target. But she is also a really good MD and understands the ins and outs of estrogen-blocking big pharma meds. She recommends that we throw both balls at the tumor: mistletoe and an estrogen blocker. Problem is.... she needs to know which blocker the oncologist recommends. Based on that info, she will work to alleviate any side effects. I feel that I need to go along with this advice. It makes  sense. And luckily, this hormone-blocking med is not as debilitating as taking full cyto-toxic chemo. 

So that very day (November 7), I called my oncologist and told her that Dr. Grundmann was "on board" with the estrogen blocker. Dr. Burrell (oncologist) seemed very pleased by this news, of course, and recommended Arimidex (known in the pharma world as Anastrozole). Side effects include potential bone loss. 

I started on the Anastrozole the next day (November 8). And after spending a wonderful weekend in PA celebrating my grandson Jacob's 7th birthday, on Monday I called Dr. Grundmann to let her know what drug I was taking. She called me back within hours, having done extensive research to determine what I should use to supplement my regimen to avoid bone loss. This woman is a stickler for details. Unlike my western docs, who tell me very little unless I specifically ask, this doctor spews out so much information, I can hardly keep up. So she is sending me a care package of supplements to help ward off the "bad bone Gremlins." Ah.... another G word. 

And here's another: GRATITUDE.....for every one of you who have sent words of support and love, and for these two pretty cool lady docs whom, I am finding, are both open to working with solutions from standard and not-so-standard avenues of medical care. Maybe we are actually on our way to trail-blazing a "road more frequently traveled" for the future of medicine.